July 2012
1 post
I'm running away for a few days, and leaving a...
To mom and dad:
I am leaving for a few days. Do not look for me. I need time away to think, and I believe you need time to think as well.
You are liars and thieves who cannot see that your own daughter is suffering right before you. You make empty promises, saying one thing and doing another. You take away the things Jason and I earned with our own money. You rob both of us of freedom within...
April 2012
5 posts
dennerbean:
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tw: suicide, self harm, ableism
dennerbean:
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dennerbean:
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tw: self harm
dennerbean:
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3 tags
rambling: mom go away go the fuck to sleep
dennerbean:
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March 2012
10 posts
i have friends
but i feel so alone
the morre they help the more they make me feel more alone
i keep wanting help from others
but
i jyst feel so isolatde and empty that it doesnt help at all
you know when you get emotuional over listenin to certain songs becaus of the lyrics
this is the ppsosit eof what i wanted
i ate ‘you raise me up’ now becaise
i dont have snyone like that wirh me at the momebt
ive been told that might have clinical depression
i knew it i just didnt want to bleiev it
i want help
but im scared
what do i fucking do
i cant do this by myself
yeha i dont know why i keep psoitng in here
thers only 3 oeplewho follow it
its not helong me at all
im puking too much
and im thinking about my problems and the stress and i’m puking because of that too
i cant stop thinking about how pitiful i am
i dont even think im deserving of any pity
im crying but is anyone there to see me in this decaying state
i feel that people see me in pain but they choose to ignore me because i dont matter to them
i want to be noticed by someone
anyone
social anxiety sucks
i cannot call people
i cannot reply to emails
i cannot go up to someone and say that i need help
i freeze up and not do anything
and that’s causing a lot of trouble with me and my classes cuz my teachers don’t know that i’m sick and they don’t believe me when i say that i’m sick
i hate everything
i hate how im comparing myself to persona 4
but that game got me thinking in the first place about myself and all my problems
and it’s depressing
but everyone will think im stupid and im being immature
i desperately want to believe that i’m a side character in a story
and that the main character will come and talk to me and help me solve all of my problems
but i feel like a really really obscure side character that’s always overlooked
so i’m left to resign to the fact that no help will ever come and i will be left stuck in this doomed path forever
i don’t think anyone i know on facebook cares about me aside from my closer friends
i hate that
i hate that no one cares that i’m hurt
i hate how no one asks what’s wrong even when i explicitly state that there’s something wrong
its morbidly funny
but if i got hurt in my room
no one would notice
no one would care
not for a week or so give or take
February 2012
3 posts
Vagueblogging sux dik 2k12
Wow this isn’t emotional at all
No wait it is
EVERYONE STOP VAGUEBLOGGING YOU’RE ALL CONFUSING THE SHIT OUT OF ME AND DRIVING ME PARANOID WITH EVERYTHING
MY CONCLUSION IS THAT EVERYTHING IS MY FAULT AND THAT’S NOT HEALTHY THINKING
You know what sucks?
Being utterly helpless in helping a close friend
Because of the slightest bit of doubt in my mind
Vagueblogging makes me confused
Because 99% of the time I think it’s about me
And it tears my heart just thinking about it
But that 1%
Is all it takes
To make me freeze and not breech the subject
It’s a vicious cycle because neither of us know that we’re...
Isn’t the feeling of drifting away wonderful?
I guess that’s what happens when you move into a sub-fandom and start dedicating all your time into being an active member.
I find myself not having the will to talk to people I used to talk to ):
Namely because all we ever talk about is Homestuck and not any of my other interests
Also these other people….don’t watch the...
January 2012
3 posts
Yes this person must hate me now
They aren’t replying to my asks
They aren’t replying to my replies
I don’t know what I did but they simply won’t respond to me
I feel absolutely terrible
I thought…we were friends
ah
yes
i realized
that this feeling in my chest that’s been bothering so much lately
is jealousy
a writhing, grotesquely pulsating amalgamation of pure envy towards certain individuals on tumblr
my low self esteem and insecurities have nurtured this feeling, and my self-doubt has prevented me from realizing what it really was
i wonder what took me so long to realize this
envy is a...
So like….I suddenly realized….I might be in a bit of a pickle….
See, polyamory isn’t something that sits well with me but it might be happening right now???
I’m not sexually attracted to anyone at all, so that’s not a big problem, but it seems like I’m becoming romantically attracted to multiple people and it’s making me question myself ):
...
December 2011
5 posts
Fetish Friday, End of Year 2011 Edition
zairedwinters:
Well, this is the moment you creepy weirdos have been waiting for! Last Friday of 2011 means I’m gonna finally reveal that not-so-subtly-hinted long list of things I deem stimulating.
It goes without saying that this is very nsfw and could very well contain things that may offend or discomfort some. So read at your own risk but don’t say I didn’t warn you.
Posting this here...
Identity and friendship issues + SHUT UP MOTHER
I have this friend who’s been an okay friend in the past but she drives me crazy with how she treats me on Facebook. She’s always quick to jump the gun whenever I post something and I think she doesn’t even think before she posts comments. I have fights with her on Facebook ALL THE TIME. She posted something this morning in response to a post I wrote last night about my...
kurokyu:
limecakey:
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It seems Koreans where you are from are a lot nicer ):
But most of the Korean families I know around here tend to beat their kids as punishment. I don’t know if my family does it the worst considering their upbringing (grandpa escaped from North Korea after his father was taken, family split up after they snuck into South Korea, Grandpa worked on a farm...
Parents and why I am who I am
Yes well my parents get a post of their own.
They’ve been nothing but hell for me as far back as I can remember.
First vivid memory? My dad beating me up when I was four. He beat me so hard that I was hiccuping uncontrollably through my sobs that I couldn’t even drink the chocolate milk my mom made to calm me down. I don’t even remember what I did wrong for him to get that...
Personal Gender Problems
I keep reading all these posts about kindergarten teachers being pro-gender education and doing all these awesome things with their students. It makes me feel uncomfortable knowing that my experience in elementary school was a nightmare. I liked beanie babies and I liked Barbies (if only to decapitate them but whatever) yeah. I also liked Legos and Hot Wheels and Nerf guns and stuff. I liked...
